Election Protection Part II

I just noticed that the condoms are yellow.

I won't be able to look at another banana the same way again, let alone eat one.

A footnote of discrimination

Bush signed two pieces of legislation Wednesday morning repealing two acts making it impossible for immigration for HIV-positive foreign nationals. However, he and his administration held off on the last one. In 1987, HHS used its existing legal authority to add HIV to a list of communicable diseases that disqualifies HIV-positive visitors from entering the country as well as foreigners with HIV from being eligible for immigrant status. Bush's bill repealing this ban kept language that made it possible for the HHS to decide on the issue.


To me this just sounds like Bush is making himself look like a dogooder, but then there's a footnote that people forget to read.

Lame, Bush. Lame.

...I'm not a fan of lame bushes.

Election Protection

There is nothing I love more than mixing politics and sex. Mind you, Eliot Spitzer and Bill Clinton thought so too.

No longer do we sport the boring buttons that say "I Like Ike." People will be showing their support for their respective candidates with condoms. You can get your politico shrink wrap at condomania.

It is a little weird about putting a dead guy (Reagan) and an almost dead guy (McCain) on your package. It also is a little weird to be down there with Bill Clinton and a woman whose vagina probably tastes like mothballs (Hillary).

Wow, I grossed myself out.

Now this is what I mean...

These idiots should be arrested. No lawnmowers were hurt during these incidents. Don't worry, Mr. Deere.

Dear future passengers on a plane that I am on,
Please leave the alcohol and drunken behavior to me. Do not try to open the door of an airplane mid-flight. Thanks.

"She opened the door to get fresh air."

And they wondered why the flight attendant didn't want to provide alcoholic beverages to these idiots.

Oh, who cares about those amendments...

Those amendments are a funny thing.

Just so you all out there know...the amendments are those articles and ideals that a bunch of big wigs concocted some 232 years ago. They're kind of what this country was founded upon...in 1776. I repeat...in 1776 some 232 years ago.

What was going on 232 years ago? Well, Catherine the Great of Russia was still in control. Australia was being settled by Europeans. The Industrial Revolution had started at the beginning of the century. I can go on and on. I have Wikipedia bookmarked.

What wasn't around? Computers, the television, the female orgasm, homosexuality, basketball, your smug Prius Hybrid, the clitoris, and denim...

Let me just go to the constitution real quick. The Second Amendment, added in 1791, states:

" A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

Up until fairly recent, Washington, DC had a ban on firearms. That ban was overturned and the constitution was upheld. Thank God. Right? Well, that's just in DC.

Turn your attention to this news trinket. This guy shoots his lawnmower. He didn't shoot his gardner who is mowing his lawn. No, he shot his "Lawn Boy." A woman who lives in the some house as this man alerted police citing that he was drunk. He was charged with felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun or rifle and misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed. Quick note: This man who is definitely older than 21 years old shot his own lawnmower on his own property. I really do not see a crime here.

Do not get me wrong. I understand both sides of this argument. It's the same old guns don't kill people, people kill people versus the simple guns kill debate. But, if you took the gun out of the hands of the people, no guns would kill people. Maybe then we could expect a right to bear knives constitutional amendment. That would never fly though. Additionally the District of Columbia desperately needs this ban on firearms to return, as do Detroit, Philadelphia and Camden.

The fact of the matter is, however, that there's a constitutional amendment that gives citizens the right to bear firearms. (The citizen part is a whole other debate.) That's what the Supreme Court has decided and has banged its gavel on the matter. Yet, are we really allowed to bear firearms? Is it really happening? Is this country whole-heartedly doing so? In Virginia, you're allowed to bear firearms. Just a couple more miles east on I-66, you'd better get rid of that gun. It's inconsistent, but it's ok.

I, for one, would be more concerned with this debate than the debate on same-sex marriage. Guns or People...one debate deals with death. The other deals with love, commitment and, oh yeah, tax breaks. One aids drug cartels and the other aids caterers, florists and the U-Haul company. We're going to ignore one constitutional amendment and uphold another.

Around 200 years after the Constitution was drafted by Ben, Jefferson, and all those dudes, this document has evolved from emancipating the slaves, giving woman the right to vote, denying Americans alcohol and then allowing it when the government said it was acceptable to be sloshed again.

The next time I hear someone say that the constitution can't be altered and that it's etched in stone, I'm going to cite my second amendment.

(Disclaimer #1: Digi Mondt does not own a firearm nor will use any said non-existing firearm as a prop to demonstrate the second amendment.)

(Disclaimer #2: This entry is not meant to encourage you to shoot your lawnmower, especially if it runs on gasoline. You might blow that shit up.)

Gay Fledglings...

What little boys play like this??? To the gay men: Is that what you all did during summer camp? We always seem to hear about "this one time at camp." Is this it?

Underjams Commercial.

There's no punching, kicking, or anything. I mean, I played like this with my friends and look at me now. ;-)

Nightmare

I had one of the most horrible dreams of my life.

I dreamed that I was back at Penn and in my new dorm room. Then I look around and ask myself: "Which room do I pick?" Eh. Wrong question. There was one room and THREE beds. No kitchen. No bathroom. Gross. Watch. This will actually happen to me.

Then enter my new roommates: The rednecks from Tennessee. I was so excited to leave Redneck Manassas, Virginia that God punished me and brought Redneck Manassas to Philadelphia.

...Gross.

Oh my...

Real quick...

How old is McCain? He doesn't necessarily strike me as the model-type. What's with this picture? What's with the tie thrown back over the shoulder?


Really, people...

Too Punchdrunk to Dodge Checkmate...

Does George Foreman have the mental ability to checkmate his opponent? I'm actually not speaking metaphorically. There's this sport that combines chess and boxing. What? What's that?

Well to simplify the rules:

The fighters play chess in the middle of the ring for four minutes. The bell rings. The chess players box for three minutes. The bell rings...and so forth.

The loser said he was simply too punch drunk to fend off checkmate.

Whoever checkmates their opponent first wins. Whoever knocks their opponent out first wins the bout. If there is a chess draw, they go back to the boxing.

"It is especially hard for the one who has to play first. He can easily make a false move, and in chess this is fatal. So in training we toughen people by making them do push-ups between every two chess moves."

This is kind of ridiculous. This really really is.

So is this: "The weekend saw two matches apart from the world title bout and some of the competitors might have felt equally at home in a MENSA club meeting. One had a doctorate in biochemistry, another held a degree in political science and two were teachers."

Wtf? Are we breeding some kind of Super Mensch? Are Jewish people allowed to play?

Oh, Obama.

This is exactly what I meant these past few posts...

Worker's Dignity.

What is with this nation?

A brief trip to my ever-fading youth:

I'm flying in an airplane from Amsterdam to New York during the summer of 1994. The first time I had been to the US in about two years after living in Vienna, Austria. As we are heading in, we fly over the Statue of Liberty. My dad says: "Look!" And, I turn and say "Liberty from homework." Little did I know what that statue actually meant. All I knew was that for a couple months I did not have to worry one iota about homework.

Now I understand. But do I really? Is that statue part of a forgotten legacy? Is it symbol telling perfectly decent immigrants to turn back around? Is it a symbol of hypocrisy? I believe that as a nation we have forgotten. We have forgotten that Lady Liberty wants Europe, Asia, Africa and Latin America to bring her their tired, their poor and their sick.

In case you didn't know, the United States bans those with HIV/AIDS from can have their visa applications denied if the U.S. government learns of their HIV status. It just makes me sick that this country's track record regarding this issue is so horrendous.

In 2006, our beloved former alcoholic/cokehead president promised to lift this ban. It's July 2008 and it's still there. Many of the world's brightest minds are barred from this so-called land of opportunity. Yes, I include Andrew Sullivan in this group of characters.

We are really good at banning those who are in need of our so-called excellent health care, but fail to really keep out immigrants from crossing the southern border that have criminal records. Heck, more cocaine and marijuana cross our borders without any problem.

Last month, the UN Secretary General called for the lifting of this ban, but we still have to rely on George Bush's word...for now. The U.S. is one of only 12 countries – the others being Armenia, Colombia, Iraq, Oman, Qatar, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Solomon Islands, South Korea, Sudan, and Yemen – to have such harsh travel restrictions on people living with HIV/AIDS. Wow. What great company we are in.

Again, this country likes to give fading hope to those waiting to come to this nation. I really have no faith in the lifting of the ban. I had faith that this nation of "human rights" and "equality" was going to grant same-sex marriages. I had faith that Bush would not be re-elected. That faith has all been flushed down the toilet. I'm going to have to wait. Until then, do what you can.

Support Section 305 of the Tom Lantos & Henry J. Hyde U.S. Global Leadership Against HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria Reauthorization Act of 2008 (S. 2731).

Getting the job done...

Here's another meaning to the phrase: "Getting the job done."

Ever thought of trusting a state office's website's list of resources? Think again. People looking for a job, maybe to get themselves out of the throngs of welfare and/or national debt, were surprised to find that they dialed the number for a Sex Hotline for women seeking sex.

Oh wait, it's also listed incorrectly on the Verizon Yellow Pages. Ahh, the yellow pages. you'd think that because their ONE JOB is to get numbers right...Oh well.

However, I wouldn't doubt for one second that this could have been a hoax from a disgruntled former employee. I would do that. Just kidding, MAG and Mr. Commander in Chief.

This however contradicts my feelings that people aren't really looking for jobs. Or, did they hear throught the grapevine that there's cool phone-sex there.

Lose the crutches...

No, this is not an entry about Asian fusion cuisine. Although, I cannot wait to return to Philly and take JYC and KT to a cheap dinner at Pod. My treat. Did you hear that? It's official and on record.

The company that I work for, CRAssociates (which is a contractor for the United States Army), does not like paying overtime. If there were overtime, I would be a workhorse. I would maybe clock in 80 hours weeks. My boss, MAG, did not know that I was considered full-time and no longer a temp. This was news to me as well. So I worked an 80 hour pay period despite the 4th of July. So, lucky me I worked and the pay period is over and I get 88 hours worth of pay. This is a great day.

So back to East meets West. Apparently many Asians are offended about the tofu thing. I think my mom has a slight case of dementia at times. It was very amusing to read the comments and knowing who was Asian and who was Colombian. Let's be nice. Nah. I hate nice. Nice is boring. I live for stirring up emotions and pissing you people off.

This leads me to the issue of welfare and I know some of you may still remain my friends by the time I am done.

I was talking to JAM the other day about this issue. Now, mind you her family has benefited from welfare. And, I'm not ruling out welfare as a whole. But, come on, people. Now, here in Virginia I've come across this a lot. Ahh, welfare. There's this thing called affordable housing. I understand. It's for those who weren't born with the silver spoon in their mouths. It's for those non-Paris Hiltons. It's even for those who have not experienced a comfortable life. Then again "comfortable life" is in the eye of the beholder.

I heard this from the horse's mouth: "They just live there until they get a job...but then never do. This one girl has been there 10 years." Ten years, ladies and gentlemen. Ten years. Forgive my Croatian: What the Jebem!?

Karen Walker, on Will & Grace, once said: "You know what's sad? Poor people with big dreams." Normally I would sympathize with Ms. Karen Walker because I relate to her. However, it's not funny. What's sad is poor people who have been given this break, this opportunity of leniency, in affordable housing, welfare, and food stamps and then sit on the government's money and don't do shit. Where is this country's sense of dignity?

Our forefathers created the idea of the "Pursuit of Life, Liberty and Happiness." It's not: the "Pursuit of Life, Freedom from Responsibility and Happy Lethargy."

Again, don't get me wrong. Welfare is a good shot at a second chance, or even in some cases a first chance. I know about second chances. They don't come often and if you wait long enough to cash in on that second chance you're just lazy and you haven't learned jack shit. Ten years of maalooching off of our taxes.

Americans have long just rested on the fact that the government, or their parents, are going to bail them out. Not just once, once can be expected, but 9273528736 times?!

The United States of America's debt on this date is $9,495,689,951,187.66. With a population of 304,321,106 that's a debt of $31,202.86 per person. Instead of constantly bailing our people out and digging ourselves into an even bigger hole. Of course at the moment I'm not even going to get into how much the war and etc cost. Another shocking number is that every day that this continues, our debt and the debt of our children increases an average of $1.72 billion.

Where is our national obligation? Where is our pursuit of LIBERTY? I don't think this just applies to liberty from tyranny and non-democratic authorities. This means that we don't need to be spoon fed every time we're hungry. This means we can take the training wheels off of our tricycles and ride the big-boy bike.

Just a couple months ago I was in debt of over 15,000. My dad wanted me to file bankruptcy. Instead...(here's a novel idea)...I got a job.

America, you broke your leg years ago. Why are you still hobbling around on crutches?

Copulate only when I tell you to...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Stereotypically...

Being a lesbian, there are many stereotypes that accompany my label.

Just to clarify...

• I don't wear Birkenstocks (I own a pair but they're gathering dustmites).
• I don't wear lumberjack flannel shirts that are tributes to grunge.
  
• I have never once shaved my head or even thought of it. Well, maybe when I was drunk I thought of it.
  
• I have never worked at Home Depot (although I love it), IKEA (again...love).
  
• Even though I wear men's clothing, I do not consider myself butch. I just confuse people.
  
• I'm not a bra-burner.
• I'm not overly liberal.
• I'm not Jewish.
• I'm not a proud owner of cats
• I am the proud owner of a very girl type dog - a Yorkshire Terrier.
• Gay men love me.

Oh, and another one...I'm not a vegetarian. Good for me because unscientific findings have conjectured that Tofu (a lezzy vegan food group) causes dementia.

5 Gum and The Daily Dish

My new love...
New 5 gum. It's supposed to stimulate all five senses. Yum. And, they're sooo right. If you haven't tried it go out and splurge. Yes, the fancy packaging stimulates my vision. The tingles down my throat stimulate my taste and touch. And when I chew I can't help but be emphatic about it, thus making all the chewing noise that my jaw can handle. Ergo - hearing.

If you're trying to hide the fact that you just had a cigarette, this works perfectly. Other gums still leave a trace.


Moving on to other news. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit keep me fairly lethargic and glued to the television on weekends. However, I also have food for thought for you, or [insert more clever idiom here].

Andrew Sullivan. I heard about him for the first time while passing through Philadelphia's famous Giovanni's Room years and years go. The person accompanying me only had spiteful things to say. You know who you are. ;-) So, being the sheep that I am and I hated reading and learning, etc. (I still sometimes do, but less so).

I've found my new political god. If he wasn't a non-US citizen I'd personally join his camp and force him to run for president. What I know about him:


He's a homosexual Brit, but interested in American politics. This is a given. Everyone in the world has to be in some way or another. Our politics unjustly affects practically every nation in every corner of this planet. He can't become a US citizen because of his HIV status because we're a nation of ignoramuses. It's not like so many traipse around not knowing anyway.

He's a libertarian. Yes, I've become a fan of a libertarian. He's liberal on issues regarding issues such as (surprise, surprise) same-sex marriage.

However, he's a libertarian conservative. Huh? What? Yeah. I've been searching for a label to use for myself. And, I've found someone to look up to. JYC calls me a conundrum and doesn't understand why I, a lesbian, labels herself as a conservative. I mean, I should despise everything pertaining to conservatism, right? I was watching Margaret Cho last night and another lightbulb went up in my head. What I despise about today's conservative movement are the politicians that are at its forefront. The Christianist Homophobic hatemongers that cater to the middle America, mullet sporting, trailer park, horse-shoe gamers are what's wrong with this movement. Flat taxes, limited government and no welfare. Don't hate on me. These are just my beliefs and if you know me and are reading this you probably already knew all of this.

His blog The Daily Dish has become my daily ritual. Even if you disagree, make it yours too. Why? Because so many people out there are either left or right and want to hear nothing that the other side has to say. Those fence sitters are labeled as indecisive and flip-floppers. This is a guy that tells it all and isn't afraid to say when he's wrong. Many of you should learn this lesson in humility.

Go Rafael Nadal.