Osama may want to kill me

What I do not get, the better word being fathom, is the overdoing of the old Apple iPod ads. I loved it when Apple ran those ads, but I hate it when other companies do.

Like this one for instance. When do people in Israel have iPods?

That might make me sound anti-semetic, so I'm going to say this: When do people in Palestine have iPods?

That might make me sound anti-Muslim and Bin Laden will kill me, so I'm going to say this:
When do gays, prostitutes, women, and African-Americans have iPods?

I'm not going to continue, because gays, prostitutes, women, and African-Americans normally do have iPods.

Sucks for Israel and Palestine, except for the fact that Israel is probably bustling with iPods during World Gay Pride Weekend when all the gays come to the West Bank. Oh wait...who owns the West Bank?

I like this one though.

SanDisk is saying that the iPod is unoriginal and people who buy iPods are followers and just apes.

I agree, but I'm buying an iPod next week, nor do I mind being called an ape. I only aim to live up to my forefathers way back in the day. Ya know, because we are descendants from monkeys? Got it? Ok, good. Osama is really going to kill me and Huckabee is going to come by my house and talk my ear off.

A Horror Story / Educated Sex Offenders

Ok, ever since my coworker told me this story about this guy who was in the army, I did what everyone does: compare it to my own life.

So, this guy was gone for about 3 years on a tour of duty. He comes home and everyone else's family is aboard the welcome-home wagon. His wife and kids were supposed to come down. In fact, he called a friend of his wife's and confirms that she was planning on coming to greet him. They've also been web-camming back and forth for months. So, he saw her practically every day.

By now he has been waiting for around two hours and he's the only one left. He takes a cab to his car or something and drives to Tennessee. The wife and kids who were living with her parents apparently stopped living there. A neighbor informs him that she got an apartment downtown. He goes to the apartment, knocks on the door with arms wide open.

A stunned wife opens the door and the kids yell "Daddy is home!" Oh, and did I mention, there's another man in there? The first words that come out of the woman's mouth are: I want a divorce. Not even a "Hey! What's up, dude? See here's the thing, we need to talk. How about you rest since you've been travelling and drove all the way to Tennessee and we can talk later. Oh, the other guy? He's just a friend." Later, you can explain who the dude is. She didn't tell him until then because $4,0000 a month from his monthly pay check for three years (~$144,000)was going towards her clothes, utilities for this apartment, rent for the apartment, and a brand new car.

Now, what would I have done? If I was in the military, I couldn't hit him, but once I retired "BAM!" that guy would literally be dead in 20 years. If I wasn't in the military, that guy would be dead on the spot. And, the wife...Well, I don't normally condone bitch slapping women, but this bitch needs a slap. Also, I'd be mad if there was another guy in there because I'm a lesbian and would probably be dating a woman of the homosexual persuasion. The guy didn't do anything. He was mad, I'll give him that, but he left without a scene and went drinking with his buddies. The only thing he is truly mad at (and I would be too) is that his kids are probably confused about this guy who is living with their mom.

In other news, I'm watching Fox News like I do every day. Sex offenders are going to be getting grants to pay for a college education. I'm going broke over here trying to help my parents pay for school and my former stupidities. Also, we're going to pay for sex offenders to be at our schools? They should apply to my school. Apparently sex offenders are getting some sort of affirmative action here.

"There is no evidence that teaching calculus to a sex offender [will change them]" - Congressman from Florida.

Missing the thumpa-thumpa

I never realized why grown-ups don't party. Of course, it was easy for me to party every day of the week when I was the biggest bum on the face of this planet. I came home Saturday at 2:30pm after working from 7am and fell asleep. My allergies had a bit to do with it, but still. I miss the thumpa-thumpa, or gay heart beat, of the dance floor. Dare I say it? I miss Woody's in Philadelphia a little bit.

Moving on...

Love this comfy leather chair. This is the chair I passed out on for 10 hours yesterday after work. Pretty lame.

Black faded H&M L.O.G.G. jeans. Last weekend I wore them to work and then went into DC for Ruby Tuesday (not so fabulous) where I smoked cigarettes inside and drank muchos beers. Drove up and down the metro pretty drunkenly happy. My tolerance is not what it used to be.


Yes, I confess, I'm also more than a little bit obsessed with button-up shirts. Especially ones with maroon pin-stripes.






My new shoes! I bought them at the diesel store and couldn't resist.

Price: H&M L.O.G.G. Jeans, $39.99; H&M Button-up Shirt, $45.00; Diesel Shoes, $93.99

Gay-for-Pay

Would you go "Gay-for-Pay"? This could mean a variety of things. For instance, you could be a heterosexual male working as a dancer at the gayest of the gay bars, but it pays well and gay men stick dollar bills in your banana hammock. Or you can be chased around by a lesbian billionaire heiress and decide that maybe being a lesbian isn't the worst of ideas.

I mean, I'm already gay, so I can't really go Gay-for-Pay. But, that begs the question: Would you queers out there go Straight-for-Pay?

The first thing I would ask is "Would I have to sleep with it?" I would feel too Ana Nicole Smith or something to that effect. But, if I was straight, I would go Gay-for-Pay. I would become a gay man for pay, definitely. They have the best taste and I would reap the benefits from that.

As I look back, I know of very many hot straight women that I wish would go Gay-for-Pay for me, provided that I had the money. Then again, I would need to not spend the money on just myself.

This all happened and came into question when a "heterosexual" friend of mine thought she had a lesbian billionaire heiress as a Missed Connection on Craigslist. Of course, it was all my fault and I was just kidding around. She, however, was considering going Gay-for-Pay. Interesting. Richard Branson, do you have a gay daughter?

The Moment of Truth...

Warning: There may or may not be a Project Runway Finale spoiler at the very end.

Now, someone described my blog as "It shows how much you like things." Who doesn't? Well, Ghandi. Even Jesus, I would like to believe, liked things. He had his fashion forward Birkenstocks and cotton (or something) robe. Those are things. I give Gandhi credit for the Spartan use of the diaper and small-rimmed glasses.


So, steering away from things, and specifically H&M, I will assume to blog about something else.

As you may have noticed, I watch a lot of TV. I must say though that this is changing (only slightly) since I have a job now. Yay me.

I was watching TV not even ten minutes ago and was so disgusted with what I saw. I left the room. I never leave the room. The Moment of Truth stupified my brain so badly that I was too dumb to just pick up the remote and change the channel. However, I do know that once I try to change the channel I will find nothing worthwhile on TV until 10pm when the Project Runway finale is on.

Anyway, let's get back to The Moment of Truth. What self-respecting human being would go on that show? If you go on that show, you don't respect your loved ones at all. You don't have the guts to tell them these very secrets in person, but you're going to humiliate them on TV for a chance $500,000. That's not even a million dollars, guys. Seriously. One question just now was "Do you think you're a better mother than your mother?" And the mother was sitting right there. If I believe the answer to this question to be 'Yes,' I would say no. Is humiliating your mother worth it? Is making her cry on television worth it? Most importantly, is breaking her heart worth it? The same goes with regards to the spouses, the partners, the betrothed, etc. Also, you know she's never going to cook you home-cooked meals ever again. Not worth it.

It all comes down to whether you belong in Gamblers Anonymous. It may not be Poker, Black Jack, or Russian Roulette...You're still gambling away your life as it has come to be whether you like it or not. You're gambling away your self-respect.

You're gambling, or should I say risking, important relationships. If you want to really and truly hurt the people you love, go for it. Go on the show. But if you really truly do love them, you'd turn off the TV, blog, walk your dog for twenty minutes and come home just in time to hopefully see Rami win Project Runway.


Make no mistake, the next blog will have something to do with clothes...maybe not H&M, but I get a big fat paycheck soon.

Edit: Deeply saddened by Rami not winning. However, with Jillian losing as well, it proves that bland personality, ueber-curls, and overalls are out. Thank you for that at the very least, Heidi.